isitjustme

junk

2008-08-28T20:14:15+02:00

I am surrounded by an ever growing mound of junk that keeps on growing and will never fit in my dad's car. And I'm not even halfway through packing. EEEEEK! Why didn't anyone tell me that moving house was this stressful?

Right I've had enough-I'm off to the pub, my instinct tells me that packing will be a lot more interesting when pissed.....

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Not long now...

2008-08-27T10:41:38+02:00

Just two days to go until I move back down south and I'm tearing my hair out-why do I have so much junk! I should really throw some of it out but I'm such a hoarder that i just can't bring myself to.

Had my last day at work yesterday and I am so happy that I never have to work in that miserable, soul-draining hole ever again. I was however, not so happy about my leaving present. After a year and a half of working there, they decided to grace me with, wait for it, a keyring. A fucking keyring! It's a sodding designer clothes shop, so why couldn't they have given me some clothes! Apparently Alan, Suggs and the rest of the Borough Boys have got me and Ireland a housewarming present, but I am not getting my hopes up. The last present I got off those guys was a colouring in book and a dildo...

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Picture change!

2008-08-20T23:45:18+02:00

I fancied a change so here's a new profile picture of me!

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Part 2

2008-08-19T19:12:27+02:00

So I sent him back a message simply saying- I don't think your girlfriend would be too happy about that.

I got a reply right away saying that it 'wouldn't be a problem' and asking me whether I was being hostile or if he was just mis-reading me. i told him that I was being extremely hostile and how dare he think it was OK to meet me behind his girlfriend's back!

So then he calls me to say how he doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him, I never said I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I shouldn't be so angry. So I told him to shut up, stop waffling on and listen. I wasn't upset that he had a girlfriend-yes it sucked but you can't blame a person for liking someone else. No-I was upset because he was still trying to arrange liasons with me and was even calling and texting me on the day that he got together with her! It was completely disrespectful to her and obviously to me as well, and I thought that he had far more respect for me and for all of our years of friendship.

After that he was silent a while, then launched into a lecture telling me that he didn't realise that i was serious about him and that I should have sat down and told him before about my feelings. And I completely agreed. I should have, instead I expected him to just, well, know. 'Oh shit' he said, 'I've fucked things up with you again, haven't I?'.

I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't his fault but I didn't want him to get in touch with me for a while, and if he did then only to be my friend, nothing more, nothing less. He told me that this sounded like a goodbye and he wasn't prepared to accept it after four years of bad timing he didn't want this to be another missed opportunity, he asked me to give him some time. Although it killed me to say it, I told him I had done enough waiting around for him and wasn't prepared to do that again. And then I had to get off the phone because I was starting to cry.

I called up Ireland who instructed me to put my pjs on, have a glass of wine and sing along to a bit of Alanis Morrisette. I was just starting to fell better and about to go to bed when my phone beeped with a text message. It said:

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and my favourite person in the whole world. Don't close the door on me just yet Kiddo x

Kiddo has been his pet name for me since the first day we met, a genius use of emotional guilt. So now I'm stuck in emotional limbo. On the one hand I never want to see or hear from him again but on the other I just want him to burst through the door, sweep me off my feet and for us to start all over again. Luckily I've got plenty over the next week to keep me occupied. A move, a new job and soon I'll be surrounded by all of my best friends again. But, the distraction isn't working and despite myself,I still can't stop thinking about him.

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The Expansion.

2008-08-17T21:20:03+02:00

Ok so here's how it all kicked off. 2 weeks ago, The Comedian asked me to visit and stay with him whist he was at the Fringe but I couldn't make it because of all this relocation malarky. He said not to worry and promised that he would come and stay with me in Canterbury once I was settled. Fast forward to last week and he calls me to say how much he misses me, how much it sucks that I'm not there and how he can't wait to see me blah blah blah.
And like an idiot-I am lapping it up.

I was falling in love with him all over again, and after so many years of bad timing, wild flirting and missed opportunities it seemed like we were finally going to be together.

I logged onto Facebook and on the news feed it said that his status had changed from being single to in a relationship. I felt sick. Whoever he was in a relationship with, it wasn't me. So I went out, got drunk, took the piss out of the A-level students and let an Irish man who tasted like garlic bread snog me. The next day, I was even more miserable as I now had a hangover and a persistent man called Ronan to deal with as well as my broken heart.

I decided not to call him, I mean what would I have said-we weren't going out so I couldn't go all bunny-boiler on him. So I waited for him to get in touch. A few hours later I got an email.

Hey beautiful.

I'm in edinburgh and having a great time. The show's are being packed out, we're getting people stood in the corridor outside the venue who won't leave. I'm knackered to be honest...not that i'm complaining...this is literally my dream come true.

Well, apart from that dream where you turn up in stockings and nothing else, well maybe that lingerie you wore when...never mind...ahem.

But just thought that i'd check in and say hey, and see how the sexiest woman i know is doing? How goes the plan for the move to Canterbury going? And how long do you reckon it would be before i could head down to see you?

Hope you're well gorgeous.

xxxxxxx

Fucking Bastard.

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Heartbroken :(

2008-08-15T22:32:37+02:00

I'm having a Bridget Jones moment. My heart has just been broken thanks to an inconsiderate comedian in Edinburgh. I am costumed in the mandatory slobby pjs, listening to weepy music, crying to my housemate and about to have some wine. God I feel like just fucking off to Canterbury right now. Still only 15 days left to go and it can't come quickly enough. Love sucks.

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job?

2008-07-31T00:15:03+02:00

Oh dear-i need a job by the end of August in Canterbury-this relocation has turned into such a stress! Anyone fancy giving me a job?

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The plan for today...

2008-07-17T14:03:31+02:00

Right enough of sitting around and wasting time singing along to the Jerry Springer opera and Across The Universe: As i have had a wasteful but highly musical morning I have decided to have a productive afternoon!

First thing's first-I need to straighten this bird's nest of a barnet formally known as my hair, then head over to Gangie's house to present her with my wardrobe rejects, next over the road to mummy dearest for some quaity time (and to rob her super speedy laptop to stick some stuff on ebay) and then I really need to sort out the washing as I have zero clothes for work.

I will do all of this (and much more) right after my next cup of tea.......

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Ouch!

2008-07-15T16:10:58+02:00

My head! Red wine hangover's are never good......

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help!

2008-07-12T22:12:36+02:00

Does this sound like a book anyones read? I was trying to describe it to Ireland today and he thinks I've dreamt it (I didn't by the way). It's about a boy who lives with his mum in a beauty salon on the outskirts of a big city, and he makes a lot of banoffie pies, joins a pack of orphans in the city and falls in love with a girl with a shaved head. Oh and he defeats the villain of the book with moths. Random I know but I need to know the title because it's really pissing me off now!

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yuck.

2008-07-11T23:06:47+02:00

A pigeon pooed on me as I was walking to work and yet everyone keeps telling me that this is supposed to mean good luck.....what the fuck! How is bird shit meant to bring me good fortune exactly?

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Have you ever tried to chat up a butch lesbian-i have and survived to tell the tale!

2008-07-09T22:09:19+02:00

Insomnia is a right old bitch and a half-four in the chuffing morning i finally nodded off only to have to get up less than three hours later for work. I feel fine now but that's only because I have got to that point of sleeplessness where you have gone beyond actually feeling tired so i probably won't be able to sleep tonight either. AND i have a visit from Head Office tomorrow!!!

Anyways, rant over because the rest of my week has been so funny its still making me smile. I went to Girls Go Down on Sunday night which was interesting to say the least! For the record-I consider myself as bi-curious, yes I've had encounters with other girls before but I've never gone all the way with a girl, and after seeing whats on offer I don't think that I ever will!

The lesbians in that room (with the exception of my beautiful friends) were not hot. Which made my mission even harder. I had been set a challenge by my so called friends to chat up and successfully kiss someone there. The rules were simple-the other party was not allowed to know about the mission, it couldn't be anyone that I knew, and I had to make all of the moves so if a random drunk launched herself at me-it wouldn't count.

The Guard and The Gamer pointed out a girl at another table. I checked her out-obese, cropped hair, flannel shirt and pint in hand. I turned back to my friends and scornfully spat 'Oh please, I can do better than that.' As it turns out, I couldn't. I was feeling confident as I glanced around the room secure in the knowledge that i was one of the best looking in the room. However after my attempts of seduction on two fairly attractive females had been rejected, I turned to the group to ask them what I was doing wrong. The Guard told me 'You're a fem so you can't chat up other fems, you need to go for someone butch'

Have you ever tried chatting up a butch lesbian? I have never been so terrified in all my life! These women were so scary but I had a job to do. After giving the eye to a few manly types, I settled upon a girl in glasses who offered me some chewing gum-a cunning flirting tactic if ever I saw one. However as we sat down and started talking-tragedy struck. Firstly this girl was a mutual friend, also she was so nice! We had a good natter about our theatre courses and life in general and then i stumbled upon one of the many sneaky traps that so many of my gay friends complain about; this girl was so nice that I didn't want to snog her for a bet-I wanted to be her friend! She felt exactly the same way and so we're going to Kareoke next week for her birthday.

However-this did not aid my quest and at 5 minutes to midnight I had to sadly accept defeat..... Or did I? With one minute to go I felt a cheeky pinch of my bum. I spun around only to be confronted by the original girl The Guard and The Gamer had chosen for me-I thought what the hell and launched my self onto her lips much to the delight of everyone around us. before spinning around to my friends to meet a cheer of glory. I went to the toilet and when I stepped out of the cubicle realised that she had followed me...... I flashed a wide smile at her before saying 'errrmmmm.....really enjoyed that, thanks and bye!' before barging past her and running to get a cab with everyone else. The last thing we all saw before the cab sped away was her waving from the club door and blowing kisses towards the car window.

And my prize for such an epic win? I get a round of drinks and shots from everyone and I get to choose everyone's songs for Kareoke on Friday night mwah ha ha!

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Oh my goodness!

2008-07-06T01:03:31+02:00

So I'm just about to pop off to bed but before I do I feel like I need to do something exceptionally cool over the next few days as my recent extra curricular activities have been slightly geeky to say the least.

Oh who am I kidding-I've turned into a total nerd! I have just watched the Doctor Who episode on I-player (oh my goodness how fabulous was that by the way!) and before that I was chomping my way through my new Angel Boxset, which I have been watching in accordance with the chronological way of things in the Whedon universe and must finish season three before I can even begin to peel off the shiny plastic of my new season 7 Buffy boxset.
I am also about to start reading Darkly Dreaming Dextor, because, you know, watching the TV show isn't enough for a girl like me.

Like I said, I need to do something (or someone)ridiculously too cool for school to get this whole obsessive fan thing out of my system. I'm sure that Girls Go Down tomorrow night will be a huge help.

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Looking to the future and saying goodbye to the past part two

2008-07-01T22:46:48+02:00

In order for you to understand a bit more about this delicate situation we have to go back to 2004. I met The Comedian in the blur of freshers week and thought nothing of it. I mean the amount of people you meet in such a short space of time, and in varying shades of inebriation, its very hard to be friends with absolutely everyone. However The Comedian was determined not to be lost in the crowd and so we began a year long platonic relationship (platonic in the sense that I wasn't attracted to him, he had a girlfriend and was completely infatuated with me, a fact that I was oblivious to).

Clearly this melting pot of a friendship was doomed to failure and after a year it failed quite spectacularly. After a BBQ at his house when we were the only two left, and after a mighty amount of alcohol, he started to tell me all about his feelings that he'd had for me since we first met, one thing led to another and we started kissing....let me make one thing clear. I DIDN'T sleep with him, and I certainly don't make it a habit to steal other people's men. After that night I stopped being friends with the comedian. He finished with his girlfriend shortly afterwards but by that point I had started seeing someone, but he was always in the back of my mind.

As I said I was not attracted to him in the slightest- I'd always considered him as the geeky, cute but bumbling type, but with that kiss it was as if a veil had been lifted and I could see him for the very first time. I liked who I saw. But it wasn't to be. Every time I was single, he wasn't and vise-versa. Eventually after the second year when i moved back home I was able to focus on me and Matt and forget all about him. Except i didn't. Every so often, one of us would be in touch, whether it was a casual drink at New Years, a text late in the evening or a cheeky message on Facebook neither of us seemed to be able to leave the other one alone.

So anyway back to the drunken conversation in Barcelona. I had just told all of this to Ireland and Bottle-Pack. I finished with telling them my recent discovery that he was single and so was I. We came up with a highly sophisticated and complicated plan...I would message him on Facebook, and from there seduce him into indulging in a dirty weekend with me. (Ok so maybe in retrospect it was a very obvious and simple plan). Once I was back in Ireland's house, i logged on, to discover a message from The Comedian asking me to visit him as soon as I could. What a coincidence I thought and set about arranging it.

I turned up to his on Friday, after a short soak in the tub, we went into the bedroom and stayed there for pretty much the whole weekend. I had the best sex of my life: the poor boy can hardly walk!And I finally got to indulge in some bondage, I've been trying to find a willing volunteer for ages but you'd be surprised how many guys shit themselves when you suggest a bit of tying up to them.

I had such a fun time, we went out, he cooked for me, I met some of his friends and it was so good to catch up. But the weekend is over, and I guess so are we. If I'm being honest with myself, I would like nothing better than a relationship with The Comedian but i also see that we
just aren't going in the same direction, it's best to see the time that we spent together as what it was-no strings sex between people who are fond of each other. I know that I should kiss goodbye to this boy and forget about it but I just can't wait to see if he's up for another session once he gets back from the Fringe...

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Looking to the future and saying goodbye to the past part one

2008-07-01T22:15:09+02:00

Its been a long time since i last wrote a blog, but since all my friends are busy, and since this isn't exactly the type of stuff you want to confide to your family, i decided what an excellent way to get things off my chest. So here I am...again!

Well so much has changed since my last entry. For starters, I've decided to up sticks and move back down south. I never thought I would be moving away from here so soon, i mean I've not even been back for two years, but this scene has gotten so stale. Every night out just feels like the same night being extended on and on and I just don't feel like there's anything for me to stick around for anymore.

I've been feeling like this for the past few months and things finally came to a head when I went to Barcelona with Ireland and Bottle-Pack. I could just forget about everything and everyone else and just concentrate on being myself and having fun. At the end of the trip, Ireland kept hinting that he wanted to move back to where we went to university but didn't want to do it on his own. My stomach dropped-was this a hint to me, did he really want to live with me again after so long?

I mean don't get me wrong, when we were part of the 'Shipman Sexies' we had an absolute screamarties, sex, Dallas, alcohol, pot and junk food-everything a bright eyed student could wish for. I still count those two years as the best of my life so far. However the downside of this was that our house was always a squalor:dishes didnt just remain unwashed, they actually grew whole colonies of undiscovered new life forms. The only time our kitchen floor ever got mopped was when the washing machine broke and vomited water everywhere. Ireland was always my favorite house mate though, and still one of my best friends to this day. Whenever the drama's of the real world got too much to handle, or when another house mate would decide to regress back to their teenage years and throw a hissy fit over another pointless issue, me and him would just laugh and run up the stairs to his room where nothing and no-one else mattered.

When we got back, I took a couple of days to think about it, until his hinting became unbelievably transparent and I had to say yes. He screamed, I screamed and now I cannot fucking wait for September to arrive.

So that's the future bit covered, now the tough bit-the goodbye to the past....Oh God this is tough to type. Ok, so when we in Barcelona, (inevitably after a few sangrias)the subject got around to love, or rather the lack of it in all of our lives. All of us had an object of desire in mind who just wasn't desiring us back-in my case it was The Comedian.

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I love my job....sometimes!

2007-10-19T18:13:54+02:00

Sometimes I feel like I have the best job in the world! Ok so the pay isnt that great, but there aren't that many jobs where you get free designer clothes every couple of months. I chose a gorgeous new low cut gold top and a flapper style dress with fringes all over it-completely inappropriate for work, but what the hell.

I also found out that they are sending me back to Belfast on Monday. I can't wait-it was an absolute scream last time i went (even though I couldnt understand anyone and they couldnt understand me). We were treated like celebrities-free drinks in all the bars, discounts, I even got offered a free tattoo by some random tattoo artist. This time they've put me in a fabulous hotel and apparently theres a jacuzzi in my room!

However-to keep the karma balance in check, it cant all be fun and games at work. First thing tomorrow I have to tell a collegue that he has 'personal hygiene issues'. To put it bluntly-he smells like shit but all the other managers are too scared to tell him. How do you begin to say that to someone without hurting their feelings?

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getting into the swing of things

2007-10-15T20:08:52+02:00

So after a bad case of the birthday blues yesterday, today I wake up to a content and positive feeling and bloody sheets. Yep the period came early again (reminding me a little bit of Matt) and along with it came an end to those evil hormones that turn me into a depressed, angry, spotty, bloated little troll for five days a month. God bless them.

Its been a fairly uninteresting day, apart from the fact that I finally got caught smoking. After years of lung abuse, i get caught at the grand old age of 22, at least thats all I got caught for!

I cant wait to get back to work. I never thought I would write that but this holiday time has been tedious. Stuck in the house because I have no money(thanks for that postal strike)and everyone else is in work. Sigh. Thank God for Perez Hilton for seeing me through this dark time.

And so as I sign off, my mind is occupied with the all important question....what the fuck am I going to be for Halloween?

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