So I sent him back a message simply saying- I don't think your girlfriend would be too happy about that.

I got a reply right away saying that it 'wouldn't be a problem' and asking me whether I was being hostile or if he was just mis-reading me. i told him that I was being extremely hostile and how dare he think it was OK to meet me behind his girlfriend's back!

So then he calls me to say how he doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him, I never said I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I shouldn't be so angry. So I told him to shut up, stop waffling on and listen. I wasn't upset that he had a girlfriend-yes it sucked but you can't blame a person for liking someone else. No-I was upset because he was still trying to arrange liasons with me and was even calling and texting me on the day that he got together with her! It was completely disrespectful to her and obviously to me as well, and I thought that he had far more respect for me and for all of our years of friendship.

After that he was silent a while, then launched into a lecture telling me that he didn't realise that i was serious about him and that I should have sat down and told him before about my feelings. And I completely agreed. I should have, instead I expected him to just, well, know. 'Oh shit' he said, 'I've fucked things up with you again, haven't I?'.

I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't his fault but I didn't want him to get in touch with me for a while, and if he did then only to be my friend, nothing more, nothing less. He told me that this sounded like a goodbye and he wasn't prepared to accept it after four years of bad timing he didn't want this to be another missed opportunity, he asked me to give him some time. Although it killed me to say it, I told him I had done enough waiting around for him and wasn't prepared to do that again. And then I had to get off the phone because I was starting to cry.

I called up Ireland who instructed me to put my pjs on, have a glass of wine and sing along to a bit of Alanis Morrisette. I was just starting to fell better and about to go to bed when my phone beeped with a text message. It said:

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and my favourite person in the whole world. Don't close the door on me just yet Kiddo x

Kiddo has been his pet name for me since the first day we met, a genius use of emotional guilt. So now I'm stuck in emotional limbo. On the one hand I never want to see or hear from him again but on the other I just want him to burst through the door, sweep me off my feet and for us to start all over again. Luckily I've got plenty over the next week to keep me occupied. A move, a new job and soon I'll be surrounded by all of my best friends again. But, the distraction isn't working and despite myself,I still can't stop thinking about him.