isitjustme

I am surrounded by an ever growing mound of junk that keeps on growing and will never fit in my dad's car. And I'm not even halfway through packing. EEEEEK! Why didn't anyone tell me that moving house was this stressful?

Right I've had enough-I'm off to the pub, my instinct tells me that packing will be a lot more interesting when pissed.....

Just two days to go until I move back down south and I'm tearing my hair out-why do I have so much junk! I should really throw some of it out but I'm such a hoarder that i just can't bring myself to.

Had my last day at work yesterday and I am so happy that I never have to work in that miserable, soul-draining hole ever again. I was however, not so happy about my leaving present. After a year and a half of working there, they decided to grace me with, wait for it, a keyring. A fucking keyring! It's a sodding designer clothes shop, so why couldn't they have given me some clothes! Apparently Alan, Suggs and the rest of the Borough Boys have got me and Ireland a housewarming present, but I am not getting my hopes up. The last present I got off those guys was a colouring in book and a dildo...

I fancied a change so here's a new profile picture of me!

So I sent him back a message simply saying- I don't think your girlfriend would be too happy about that.

I got a reply right away saying that it 'wouldn't be a problem' and asking me whether I was being hostile or if he was just mis-reading me. i told him that I was being extremely hostile and how dare he think it was OK to meet me behind his girlfriend's back!

So then he calls me to say how he doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him, I never said I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I shouldn't be so angry. So I told him to shut up, stop waffling on and listen. I wasn't upset that he had a girlfriend-yes it sucked but you can't blame a person for liking someone else. No-I was upset because he was still trying to arrange liasons with me and was even calling and texting me on the day that he got together with her! It was completely disrespectful to her and obviously to me as well, and I thought that he had far more respect for me and for all of our years of friendship.

After that he was silent a while, then launched into a lecture telling me that he didn't realise that i was serious about him and that I should have sat down and told him before about my feelings. And I completely agreed. I should have, instead I expected him to just, well, know. 'Oh shit' he said, 'I've fucked things up with you again, haven't I?'.

I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't his fault but I didn't want him to get in touch with me for a while, and if he did then only to be my friend, nothing more, nothing less. He told me that this sounded like a goodbye and he wasn't prepared to accept it after four years of bad timing he didn't want this to be another missed opportunity, he asked me to give him some time. Although it killed me to say it, I told him I had done enough waiting around for him and wasn't prepared to do that again. And then I had to get off the phone because I was starting to cry.

I called up Ireland who instructed me to put my pjs on, have a glass of wine and sing along to a bit of Alanis Morrisette. I was just starting to fell better and about to go to bed when my phone beeped with a text message. It said:

You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, and my favourite person in the whole world. Don't close the door on me just yet Kiddo x

Kiddo has been his pet name for me since the first day we met, a genius use of emotional guilt. So now I'm stuck in emotional limbo. On the one hand I never want to see or hear from him again but on the other I just want him to burst through the door, sweep me off my feet and for us to start all over again. Luckily I've got plenty over the next week to keep me occupied. A move, a new job and soon I'll be surrounded by all of my best friends again. But, the distraction isn't working and despite myself,I still can't stop thinking about him.

Ok so here's how it all kicked off. 2 weeks ago, The Comedian asked me to visit and stay with him whist he was at the Fringe but I couldn't make it because of all this relocation malarky. He said not to worry and promised that he would come and stay with me in Canterbury once I was settled. Fast forward to last week and he calls me to say how much he misses me, how much it sucks that I'm not there and how he can't wait to see me blah blah blah.
And like an idiot-I am lapping it up.

I was falling in love with him all over again, and after so many years of bad timing, wild flirting and missed opportunities it seemed like we were finally going to be together.

I logged onto Facebook and on the news feed it said that his status had changed from being single to in a relationship. I felt sick. Whoever he was in a relationship with, it wasn't me. So I went out, got drunk, took the piss out of the A-level students and let an Irish man who tasted like garlic bread snog me. The next day, I was even more miserable as I now had a hangover and a persistent man called Ronan to deal with as well as my broken heart.

I decided not to call him, I mean what would I have said-we weren't going out so I couldn't go all bunny-boiler on him. So I waited for him to get in touch. A few hours later I got an email.

Hey beautiful.

I'm in edinburgh and having a great time. The show's are being packed out, we're getting people stood in the corridor outside the venue who won't leave. I'm knackered to be honest...not that i'm complaining...this is literally my dream come true.

Well, apart from that dream where you turn up in stockings and nothing else, well maybe that lingerie you wore when...never mind...ahem.

But just thought that i'd check in and say hey, and see how the sexiest woman i know is doing? How goes the plan for the move to Canterbury going? And how long do you reckon it would be before i could head down to see you?

Hope you're well gorgeous.

xxxxxxx

Fucking Bastard.

I'm having a Bridget Jones moment. My heart has just been broken thanks to an inconsiderate comedian in Edinburgh. I am costumed in the mandatory slobby pjs, listening to weepy music, crying to my housemate and about to have some wine. God I feel like just fucking off to Canterbury right now. Still only 15 days left to go and it can't come quickly enough. Love sucks.