isitjustme

In order for you to understand a bit more about this delicate situation we have to go back to 2004. I met The Comedian in the blur of freshers week and thought nothing of it. I mean the amount of people you meet in such a short space of time, and in varying shades of inebriation, its very hard to be friends with absolutely everyone. However The Comedian was determined not to be lost in the crowd and so we began a year long platonic relationship (platonic in the sense that I wasn't attracted to him, he had a girlfriend and was completely infatuated with me, a fact that I was oblivious to).

Clearly this melting pot of a friendship was doomed to failure and after a year it failed quite spectacularly. After a BBQ at his house when we were the only two left, and after a mighty amount of alcohol, he started to tell me all about his feelings that he'd had for me since we first met, one thing led to another and we started kissing....let me make one thing clear. I DIDN'T sleep with him, and I certainly don't make it a habit to steal other people's men. After that night I stopped being friends with the comedian. He finished with his girlfriend shortly afterwards but by that point I had started seeing someone, but he was always in the back of my mind.

As I said I was not attracted to him in the slightest- I'd always considered him as the geeky, cute but bumbling type, but with that kiss it was as if a veil had been lifted and I could see him for the very first time. I liked who I saw. But it wasn't to be. Every time I was single, he wasn't and vise-versa. Eventually after the second year when i moved back home I was able to focus on me and Matt and forget all about him. Except i didn't. Every so often, one of us would be in touch, whether it was a casual drink at New Years, a text late in the evening or a cheeky message on Facebook neither of us seemed to be able to leave the other one alone.

So anyway back to the drunken conversation in Barcelona. I had just told all of this to Ireland and Bottle-Pack. I finished with telling them my recent discovery that he was single and so was I. We came up with a highly sophisticated and complicated plan...I would message him on Facebook, and from there seduce him into indulging in a dirty weekend with me. (Ok so maybe in retrospect it was a very obvious and simple plan). Once I was back in Ireland's house, i logged on, to discover a message from The Comedian asking me to visit him as soon as I could. What a coincidence I thought and set about arranging it.

I turned up to his on Friday, after a short soak in the tub, we went into the bedroom and stayed there for pretty much the whole weekend. I had the best sex of my life: the poor boy can hardly walk!And I finally got to indulge in some bondage, I've been trying to find a willing volunteer for ages but you'd be surprised how many guys shit themselves when you suggest a bit of tying up to them.

I had such a fun time, we went out, he cooked for me, I met some of his friends and it was so good to catch up. But the weekend is over, and I guess so are we. If I'm being honest with myself, I would like nothing better than a relationship with The Comedian but i also see that we
just aren't going in the same direction, it's best to see the time that we spent together as what it was-no strings sex between people who are fond of each other. I know that I should kiss goodbye to this boy and forget about it but I just can't wait to see if he's up for another session once he gets back from the Fringe...

Its been a long time since i last wrote a blog, but since all my friends are busy, and since this isn't exactly the type of stuff you want to confide to your family, i decided what an excellent way to get things off my chest. So here I am...again!

Well so much has changed since my last entry. For starters, I've decided to up sticks and move back down south. I never thought I would be moving away from here so soon, i mean I've not even been back for two years, but this scene has gotten so stale. Every night out just feels like the same night being extended on and on and I just don't feel like there's anything for me to stick around for anymore.

I've been feeling like this for the past few months and things finally came to a head when I went to Barcelona with Ireland and Bottle-Pack. I could just forget about everything and everyone else and just concentrate on being myself and having fun. At the end of the trip, Ireland kept hinting that he wanted to move back to where we went to university but didn't want to do it on his own. My stomach dropped-was this a hint to me, did he really want to live with me again after so long?

I mean don't get me wrong, when we were part of the 'Shipman Sexies' we had an absolute screamarties, sex, Dallas, alcohol, pot and junk food-everything a bright eyed student could wish for. I still count those two years as the best of my life so far. However the downside of this was that our house was always a squalor:dishes didnt just remain unwashed, they actually grew whole colonies of undiscovered new life forms. The only time our kitchen floor ever got mopped was when the washing machine broke and vomited water everywhere. Ireland was always my favorite house mate though, and still one of my best friends to this day. Whenever the drama's of the real world got too much to handle, or when another house mate would decide to regress back to their teenage years and throw a hissy fit over another pointless issue, me and him would just laugh and run up the stairs to his room where nothing and no-one else mattered.

When we got back, I took a couple of days to think about it, until his hinting became unbelievably transparent and I had to say yes. He screamed, I screamed and now I cannot fucking wait for September to arrive.

So that's the future bit covered, now the tough bit-the goodbye to the past....Oh God this is tough to type. Ok, so when we in Barcelona, (inevitably after a few sangrias)the subject got around to love, or rather the lack of it in all of our lives. All of us had an object of desire in mind who just wasn't desiring us back-in my case it was The Comedian.