Insomnia is a right old bitch and a half-four in the chuffing morning i finally nodded off only to have to get up less than three hours later for work. I feel fine now but that's only because I have got to that point of sleeplessness where you have gone beyond actually feeling tired so i probably won't be able to sleep tonight either. AND i have a visit from Head Office tomorrow!!!
Anyways, rant over because the rest of my week has been so funny its still making me smile. I went to Girls Go Down on Sunday night which was interesting to say the least! For the record-I consider myself as bi-curious, yes I've had encounters with other girls before but I've never gone all the way with a girl, and after seeing whats on offer I don't think that I ever will!
The lesbians in that room (with the exception of my beautiful friends) were not hot. Which made my mission even harder. I had been set a challenge by my so called friends to chat up and successfully kiss someone there. The rules were simple-the other party was not allowed to know about the mission, it couldn't be anyone that I knew, and I had to make all of the moves so if a random drunk launched herself at me-it wouldn't count.
The Guard and The Gamer pointed out a girl at another table. I checked her out-obese, cropped hair, flannel shirt and pint in hand. I turned back to my friends and scornfully spat 'Oh please, I can do better than that.' As it turns out, I couldn't. I was feeling confident as I glanced around the room secure in the knowledge that i was one of the best looking in the room. However after my attempts of seduction on two fairly attractive females had been rejected, I turned to the group to ask them what I was doing wrong. The Guard told me 'You're a fem so you can't chat up other fems, you need to go for someone butch'
Have you ever tried chatting up a butch lesbian? I have never been so terrified in all my life! These women were so scary but I had a job to do. After giving the eye to a few manly types, I settled upon a girl in glasses who offered me some chewing gum-a cunning flirting tactic if ever I saw one. However as we sat down and started talking-tragedy struck. Firstly this girl was a mutual friend, also she was so nice! We had a good natter about our theatre courses and life in general and then i stumbled upon one of the many sneaky traps that so many of my gay friends complain about; this girl was so nice that I didn't want to snog her for a bet-I wanted to be her friend! She felt exactly the same way and so we're going to Kareoke next week for her birthday.
However-this did not aid my quest and at 5 minutes to midnight I had to sadly accept defeat..... Or did I? With one minute to go I felt a cheeky pinch of my bum. I spun around only to be confronted by the original girl The Guard and The Gamer had chosen for me-I thought what the hell and launched my self onto her lips much to the delight of everyone around us. before spinning around to my friends to meet a cheer of glory. I went to the toilet and when I stepped out of the cubicle realised that she had followed me...... I flashed a wide smile at her before saying 'errrmmmm.....really enjoyed that, thanks and bye!' before barging past her and running to get a cab with everyone else. The last thing we all saw before the cab sped away was her waving from the club door and blowing kisses towards the car window.
And my prize for such an epic win? I get a round of drinks and shots from everyone and I get to choose everyone's songs for Kareoke on Friday night mwah ha ha!
